Why should the Scots have the Independence debate all to themselves?

Millions of others want independence from government. So why not let the whole country experience the same freedom? Don’t limit it to Scotland. A line drawn from Lerwick down to Brighton simply divides the whole country in half, setting Herefordians on the Western side away from Westminster as Formerly Lacking Independent Power (FLIPS) and from East siders, Formerly Lacking Obedient Power (FLOPS). Any referendum on the subject could contain multiple Alec Salmond-style questions such as:

1. Do you want a dissolution of all instruments of governance in favour of a federated mutual aid society in FLIP, putting power back in your hands and usurping the bloated parasites of capitalist hegemony?

The cultural divide between Glasgow and Edinburgh will be amplified, to the greater long-term benefit of Scottish society. Geordies will separate from Cumbrians, although there would be nothing to stop a hug-in to cement a cross-border relationship – if one can bear to imagine it. The traffic hellhole that is Derby would find itself spilt down the middle, giving endless opportunities for local participation in heated debate over resources. Middle-class Guildfordians will have step out of their comfort zones into interminable and attritional meetings with lengthy contributions from some of the loudest and smug-est voices on the planet. Unseemly, bitchy rows could break out in Brighton. But it is all in the best democratic taste.

Bisection of Oxford splits their new animal experiment labs from much of the rest of the University. This is hardly a new development. The democratic vivisection will lead to a massive increase in PHD’s analyzing the split, with a resultant surge in Oxford’s international academic reputation. Now it may well be that rival Cambridge University will not see this as fair play. In which case, one is not averse to deviating the border line to and through Cambridge, taking in Stansted Airport on the way back, to let the other University enjoy the fruits of internal divide, debate and academic progress.

As for Cornwall, nominally a FLIP, they’ve agitated for independence for many decades, so it would be geographically simpler to just let them have it as FLAFS (Fundamentally Lacking Association Football). They get to keep their inflated tourist prices, yuppie watering holes and surfing, along with copious supplies of wind and radon gas.

Love Carnybull x

One thought on “Why should the Scots have the Independence debate all to themselves?

  1. + 1 vote! As long as it’s written into a new federation’s constitution the compulsory dunking in a well used toilet of Dunking Ian Smith and all the Westminster parasites.

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