“Jesse Norman mainly plays porn soundtracks”

Giving out information on sunburnt pigeons, announcing the line up of the Tesco roundabout festival, and complaining about their emails; it’s all in a day’s work for Hereford_News Ltd. We caught up with Marketing and Communications Manager, Polly Spine who gave us the lowdown on all things Hereford_News-like.

 

Polly Spine, just ordering a Chinese

Oh hi, how’s things? How’s your mum? She keeping alright is she?
She’s fine, we had lunch at Saxty’s last Saturday. I had the milky smashed crabs, she had the tender beef curtains.

So Polly, what’s the latest news?
Ghosts are allergic to yoghurt.

And how are Alan and Sue Nosh getting on with their lottery winnings?
They spent £10 on a goat for an African village as recommend by Lenny Henry, and a solid gold helicopter.

The Hereford Times never report any of your exclusives. Do you think they’re just jealous of your journalistic skill?
We are good friends with all the folks at Hereford Times and the Journal, we did a charity exorcism with them last year. The Admag people are based in Finland so we never see them.

 

After heroically rescuing the drowning wasp from that urinal how is fireman Tim Plib coping with the fame?
No idea what you are talking about.

What day is good for you?
Pancake day, or the day I was married, I put my finger in my husband’s ring and started crying.

Do you think with river levels being so low it is now time to put the emergency flood plug back in the Wye? And what about the river Lugg?
I can refer your question to our liquid specialist if you like?

Yes please. Let us know. When you’re sat in a Hereford garden waiting for the sun, do you ever get a tan from standing in the Hereford rain?
I get my tan from ‘Terry’s Chocolate Orange’ tanning salon on Commercial Road.

We see that MP Jesse Norman is doing a bit of DJing these days. Does he do any 90s cheese or is it all just modern stuff?
I’ve not seen him play but I hear it’s mainly moombahton, wobstep and Italian porn soundtracks.

Your foreign correspondent says he’s seen a semolina pilchard climbing up the Eiffel tower. Do you think we’ll ever see a similar fish climbing up the cathedral tower?
No

I went to the newsagent in town and asked the lady for a copy of Hereford News and she said: “You mean Hereford Times? It’s over there love, 80p. We don’t sell anything called Hereford News.” What do you think she meant and which newsagent does sell your news?
Hereford_News is available in all good newsagents, and quite a few bad ones.

My nan is a great fan of your Twitter page. Can she have your autograph?
Thanks, our staff put a lot of time and effort in to the Twitter page, we have 23 full time reporters working on it.

Do you have any important functions coming up?
My husband and I have tickets to see WILL.I.AM at the Cock of Tupsley in June!

Any traffic updates for our readers?
Get a bike, it’s going to get worse.

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